Sources inside the Venice police department have confirmed to our reporter in the field that Nancy Pelosi was one of 7 women who spent their Saturday night in the beach town’s drunk tank. Deputy Art Tubolls, who detained Pelosi, says she was both belligerent and uncooperative:
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“Ms. Pelosi was dancing at a local Big Band club seniors like to hang out in when she was asked to leave for twerking to Glen Miller’s ‘In the Mood.’ She was outside screaming and throwing pretzel M&Ms at people when we picked her up. Nobody pressed charges, so we released her to her Daughter, Petunia, just before dawn.
She threatened us on the way out the door with Congressional sanctions and impeachment. We’re not really sure what that means for a county sherrif, but hopefully she calms down.”
Tubolls said Pelosi also left her mark on the cell itself, scribbling “Trump sucks” all over the walls with a Sharpie she must have had hidden on her when she was picked up. “It won’t be easy to get that off,” said the deputy, “She also missed the toilet by about three feet.”
In this age of politicians being held responsible for their actions, Pelosi has managed to slip through the cracks every time. We contacted the news directors at every lamestream media outlet and they all declined to comment with the exception of CNN, who said:
“We tend to go with the actual news and not things that probably didn’t happen.”
There you have it, folks. Straight from the horse’s mouth. Rather than take the 5 seconds it takes to find out if a story is real, our own press has decided to make up their own mind and just sell whatever they want. It’s a shameful day.
Pelosi walked away Scott Free and won’t face any consequences for her actions, other than a $250 fine for vandalizing the drunk tank wall.
Ain’t that America.